I greet November 1st with my fingers upon my keyboard and a lofty goal in my heart. I will write another novel this year.

For 11 months, I worry that I’ve never finished a manuscript. I attempt revisions and end up shredding my previous work in the process, finding each thing that is or could be wrong with it and holding it up as an example of why I’ll never accomplish anything. I talk myself into black holes of inconsistency, convince myself that I don’t know enough about anything for my work to hold up to scrutiny. I am a harsh critic and my own worst enemy from December to October.

But this November, I am nothing but a writer.

For some reason it’s an easier title to claim under the banner of National Novel Writing Month. This year, they’ve redesigned their website in such a way that it was easier for me to see the work that I have accomplished leading up to this point. I’ve been a WriMo for 13 years. I have drafted 5 novels and started four more. In the years that I didn’t work on a new novel, I attempted revisions of a previous one. That isn’t the spirit of NaNo though, and it never really worked for me.

I’ve listened to all the advice. How do you write a story? “Bird by bird!” says Anne Lamott. “Write crap!” said my old therapist. Make writing a habit, a routine. Wake up every morning an hour earlier so you can write without your family bothering you. Stay up after everyone goes to bed. Don’t edit while you write. Your first draft is supposed to be garbage anyway. Outside of November I find all that advice to be useless and suffocating. But during NaNoWriMo? I can just let it go. I can just write.

1,667 words per day, is the goal. I am a person who is slow to warm up but once I get going, can really crank, so 1,667 is nothing for me unless I can’t get the engine started. And knowing that my engine is not reliable, I can get a little nervous approaching November. I make excuses. I’m very busy. I’m not sure this is even a good idea for a book. I don’t really need to win this year. What am I trying to prove?

My inner critic is a harpy.

Last year I learned a lot about my own writing process. I’m not good at outlining or note taking or storyboarding. But it is SO important for me to carefully lay down the bits of my story, rather than throwing mortar and bricks at the page aiming for a “shitty first draft” that I can then chisel apart and reshape after the fact.

If I get stuck, sometimes I write a flash back, or a scene that’s completely unrelated to anything. Maybe I’ll interview a character, or even just stream-of-consciousness write out what I’m getting hung up on or what problems I think I have.

The trick is to keep writing. Because you just have to produce 1,667 words a day. Every day.

Maybe this is the year that I figure out how to keep writing after November. I’ll worry about that once I log my winning word count. For now, I am just going to embrace the certainty I feel this month and state without reservation that I am a writer! I am a novelist! And no one can tell me otherwise.